We all persist, together.
On nights like this one when Mr. is particularly tired and experienced a seizure which resulted in him falling hard off the couch onto the wood floor and into the coffee table I think about how exhausting life truly can be….that soul type of exhaustion….I think he has that at times. Like tonight.
I’ve got him tucked in now, fresh cold water and a pillow for his knees. The combo of his needing a bit of care sometimes and me being a former LPN doesn’t actually go as good as one may think. Worst patient award? 100%. Ever. The worst. Sweetest nurse ever? Nope. I’m blunt and hardass when necessary…so basically you can imagine the struggle. I am willing to put money on it being the most comedic thing you could ever see. You have to laugh because, as all in health care would agree, if you dont you’ll be crying. This sweet fella kicks involuntarily and swears. Pretty sure he just loves swearing hehehe. Easy peasy. When all the limbs go at the same time it’s a bit more tricky. I can hold my own and help him through the yuck and safely to the other side of the yuck.
I’m not 100% certain many understand, you most definitely surround us with love and compassion no question, for this I’m eternally grateful. What I mean is that each year I grow a little more anxious about the reality of life being so short. An awareness. A reality. I know I connect to the extreme when it feels right in my heart. I do hope you know how deeply I intend it when I share life with you. It’s impossible to share time with everyone so let’s be selective, it’s important.
Sharing all the words that burst out of me is cathartic, thank you for reading them. So is knowing that he is finally sleeping in the time taken to type out all these feelings. I must remind myself of these moments when I’m so fucking annoyed at the snoring. That voice inside chimes in “Oh get real, Amy. You’re going to be so annoyed”
Hey inside voice! STFU. I’m not interested right now. I only want to ensure that the people I love feel every single ounce of the love I pour out. I cannot tell you I love you enough. I don’t want to stop telling you. I don’t care how annoying it is. I love you.
Jill just turned on Grease. Pink ladies, take me away! Those suuuuuummer niiiiii HIII ghts.